nyny

waxing nostalgic

I just spent 5 days in the town where I passed most of my childhood. Since graduating high school over 6 years ago, I've barely been back... the occasional break or weekend during college, but never an entire summer or even spring break for that matter. I guess I was also back maybe twice after I moved to California. That said, it was a little bizarre to be back. It felt familiar, but also different.

We've almost doubled our in-town stoplights, going from 3 to 5. There's a new watertower, and also a new diner (which brings our number of non-fast food restaurants to 4). Dave sold the town grocery store, Dave's Food Basket, and it's now a County Market. Also, the cost for a can of soda outside the grocery store has risen from .35 to .50. I was glad to see that the gas station near my old house has FINALLY upgraded to where you can pay at the pump with a card, instead of just having those old fashioned pumps.

The weirdest thing though was when I drove by my old house. There's no remnants of our white picket fence, our backyard fort, or the porch swing on the front porch. It's hard to articulate the feeling I got when I saw other peoples' cars parked outside and someone else's fall/harvest decorations all around. This might sound a little dramatic but it's the best I can do to describe the feeling...it felt almost like there's a part of me there in that house, and I'm not allowed to get to it or it's cut off and I'm blocked from accessing it. Almost like the people there have taken a piece of me. It was actually a little painful, and I didn't really expect that.

My parents moved out of Clinton about a year and a half ago, and so with hardly any family left there I don't expect to be back too often. I'll certainly visit my brother there from time to time, but no more major holidays or breaks will be spent in good old central Illinois farm country. And I'm ok with that. I guess things will just keep on changing and it will be even more strange the next time I am back. After all, I don't know what I expected. I didn't think I could keep traveling, learning and living, and having the time of my life while things there stay the exact same. I guess maybe I wish it could be that way though. A piece of my heart is in that town, and I have everything in my memory exactly the way it was growing up. I don't like people messing with that and changing things...maybe it's just a little unsettling that it's not in my control anyway and of course they're "allowed" to whatever they want.

Anyway, I'll stop rambling about this now.

posted by becka @ 11:49 AM