nyny

what is a grown-up???

This question has been on my mind lately, for a couple of different reasons. For one, it was recently discussed on one of my favorite podcasts. And two, I’m getting more and more excited for my upcoming move, and am so sick of being asked when I’m going to “settle down.” How can anyone really know where they will be or for how long when we all know that life brings all sorts of unexpected opportunites to those who keep their eyes open?

So I’ve realized that I really think adulthood has more to do with the way you live and less to do with an actual age milestone. The following is a list (not all-inclusive) of things that earn points towards being a grown-up. It is important to point out that having one or maybe two of these things doesn’t automatically qualify you, but having several gives you many points and certainly makes a strong case for your adulthood.

1. you are married and/or have a mortgage
2. you have a nice-ish and/or new-ish car that you have bought yourself or have taken out a loan for in your own name and are making your own payments towards
3. you have a job in a field that you enjoy and you’ll continue in, and are not at the bottom of said field.
4. you have an actual bed frame, maybe even with a headboard
(fyi...if we’re keeping score I still have zero)
5. there is another living thing that you are directly responsible for (child, dog, etc.)
6. you like V-8-- the original flavor, not one of the various Splashes
7. you consistently read magazines that do not primarily contain fashion tips, athlete bios, or band pictures
8. you buy things for warmth and/or lounging that aren’t hoodies
9. you make and feed yourself actual meals, not just random foods at general meal times. for example...you make a chicken dish with a couple veggies as opposed to having a pb&j, a yogurt, and maybe some graham crackers or fruit snacks for dinner.
10. you think to yourself or actually tell someone that their music, television, etc is too loud
11. you have had the same address for more than two years. (I’ve lived 5 places in less than 3 years...although only two cities. most were new apts in different areas of los angeles. actually had 7 addresses though, b/c I was receiving mail at work for awhile and then they moved to a different site)

As far as this list goes, here’s how I’m doing: I have no points until #7. I’m pretty good with that one. My two print magazine subscriptions are literature/thought/culture based, and my most frequented online magazine site is science oriented. I get a point for #8 because I buy lots of non-hoodies, although I still do own a ridiculous amount of them (about a dozen). I’m getting better with #9 in the sense that I’m learning how to enjoy cooking certain things. That said, the last time I actually cooked anything was back in January. And I think I get a full point for #10. I occassionaly don't mind loud things, but usually I can’t stand it when the volume is too high.

Here’s another insighful marker someone on the podcast brought up...this guy said that he used to just assume that almost everyone he met was older than him, or at least his same age. Then at some point (around age 30, I believe), he suddently noticed he automatically assumed that everyone he met was younger than him. I think there really is some validity to judging adulthood by how old you assume everyone else to be. For the most part I definitely still assume the people I meet are older than me. It’s a bit disconcerting though when you realize that many bands, actors, athletes, etc are younger than you, and many times much younger. That’s sorta strange.

I don’t know exactly why I feel the need to define these sorts of things. Maybe it’s a validation thing. Just yesterday I was talking with someone about my move to New York City, and she said something like, “so you don’t have a plan for a job or for life or anything?” I don’t think she meant it this way, but it sorta made me out to be some sort of aimless, good-for-nothing wanderer. In truth, that’s not at all what I feel like, and I guess I’m having to come to grips with the fact that that’s how some people see it. While I may not have an outlined, point-by-point plan for anything, I feel so fulfilled in what I’m doing. At this stage of life my main focus is just to collect as many experiences as possible. I want to chase after art, ideas, relationships, and any experience I can get my hands on. I’m glad I have these years during and after college...I’m not responsible for anyone or to anyone, and I’m actively, in a first-person way, seeing what the world has to offer...litereally from coast to coast and across oceans.

I think people sometimes confuse not being a grown-up with being immature, and that’s not always fair. While I definitely don’t think I’m a full-fledged adult yet, I don’t think I’m immature in the childish sense of the word. Someday I really will be a tradtional adult. I just hope I’m not a boring one. Until then I guess I’ll just keep having a blast in this sometimes-scary-but-always-worth-it “twixter” stage of life. Come visit in NYC.

posted by becka @ 5:09 PM